


a losing game

by maurawrites



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 911 4x05, Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Slash, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), aka eddie in his mind being like 'how dare u treat buck like this', also eddie having some feelings about his own parents, and being a parent himself, and then actually bragging about buck to his parents, being like 'LOOK LOOK WHAT YOU'VE MISSED', but in the end it def ended up as 'not yet but....soon' vibes, i was trying to leave their relationship status vague, i wrote this in like 20 minutes pls have mercy on me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29482905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maurawrites/pseuds/maurawrites
Summary: "Buck had been fighting a ghost and he never even knew.  Fighting Daniel for his parents' love and approval.  Eddie could only imagine that was a losing game. "Buck doesn't realize that at least one of the 'kind firefighters' his parents mentioned they talked to was in fact Eddie bragging about all Buck's done, all the people he's saved, and how he's made a life for himself.4x05 'Buck Begins' missing scene fic
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Bucklery's Parents & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 223
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	a losing game

Fingers tapped a frustrated tattoo into the arm of the couch, brown eyes flashed to the prim and proper suburbanites sat at the table in the kitchen. Eddie knew it was none of his business, but the way Buck had tried to pass off the bombshell of a family secret as a joke, trying to beat others to the punchline by saying he was made of ‘defective parts’ had rubbed Eddie the wrong way. 

He knew a thing or two about trying to win approval from your parents, knew about the feeling that sat deep in your chest when it felt like nothing you could do was ever quite enough. He knew that no child deserved to feel like that, but Eddie was unfair enough to himself that he could argue that his disappearing act in the first years of Christopher’s life had given his own parents some ground to stand on. But from what Buck had told him of his childhood over late nights and nursed beers, Eddie got the distinct impression that Buck had felt his first and greatest disappointment had been his birth. And _now_ it all made sense. 

Because in a way, he hadn’t been wrong. The disappointment being that he even had to be born in the first place, in the fact that it had all been for naught when the marrow transfer didn’t take. 

Buck had been fighting a ghost and he never even knew. Fighting Daniel for his parents' love and approval. Eddie could only imagine that was a losing game. 

Eddie doesn’t know if he has a foot to stand on when it comes to his feelings for the Buckleys. Christopher, the thing that lit up his mornings even when the sun was hidden behind the clouds, having his own slew of medical issues and scares, Eddie couldn’t say for sure whether or not he’d have done what they had. Having another child to save the other. But what he does know is he would have never left that child with the feeling of disposability, that his parental love was something that had to be earned or was not a constant. 

He hadn’t been there for Christopher (or Shannon) in those first few years, and he has spent every second since his return from war dedicated to righting that wrong, to show his son how much he meant to him, and how Eddie would do anything to ensure his safety and happiness and would be there for him from that point on.

And he just wished they had done that for Buck. Maddie had done her best while dealing with her own personal hell and all its demons, but sometimes you just need your parents. And Eddie knew that they had been absent during those times; after the truck bombing, after the embolism and clots, after the tsunami. Not to mention all the times Buck had endangered his own life before Eddie’s arrival at the 118.

Before he could stop himself, Eddie was off the couch and headed towards the kitchen, under the pretense of getting himself some water.

“Can I get you all something to drink while you wait for Buck?” he asked as he passed by, noting the small pursing of Mrs. Buckley’s lips at the nickname. Buck had mentioned that, he had just forgotten.

“No, no, thank you, we’re alright.” She responded, seeming more than happy to settle back into silence.

“You’re friends with Evan?” obviously his father didn’t feel the same.

Eddie paused at the counter, fresh bottle of water in hand. “You could say that.” he chuckled. Friends felt like an understatement, best friends sounded childish. He wasn’t sure if there was a label that fit what Buck meant to him. And Christopher. Family was close, but still not quite right, especially when the word was thrown around lovingly but casually in the 118.

“Does he like it here? Does he get into much trouble?” The questions seemed to really hit home the fact that his parents knew nothing about their son or what he was up to, and had to resort to questioning a co-worker. The idea of being so disconnected from Chris in such a way made his heart ache, and it wasn’t even his reality.

“I think he would live in the station if he could.” Eddie joked politely, although he knew that was an issue that had come to a head after his crush injury, just how much Buck had relied on the job as a way of defining himself. “He does,” he conceded “but only because he’s one of the best at the job. He’s my partner and there’s no one I trust more with my life.” 

“I even trust him with my son’s life. Buck saved him during the tsunami, did you know that?” he questioned, he didn’t mean for it to sound as aggressive as it did, but the fact that they hadn’t shown up or Buck hadn’t even mentioned them calling still astounded Eddie.

And he had to admit, there was something cathartic about looking at parents who’s disapproval had been such a weight around their child’s neck and to say ‘ _look, look at all the things they’ve done, what they’ve achieved, in spite of you_ ’. He’d never be able to say it to his own parents, and he knew Buck wouldn’t say it to his own, so as his friend, his partner, Eddie felt compelled to do it for him.

“He was still recovering from the embolism and blood clots and somehow he still managed to keep my kid alive despite being at ground zero of the tsunami. He saved something like 20 other people while doing it too.” he shook his head as if in disbelief as he took a sip of his water. But he wasn’t, because he knew without a doubt that Buck would do anything for those he loved. 

He had seen it time and time again. When Athena had told them all how he had run into the snow and woods of Big Bear looking for Maddie, despite knowing he could just as easily have found the armed man who had stabbed his friend and taken his sister. When Christopher recounted how he had swum through a tsunami nearly drowned to look for him, and how Eddie had seen him collapse in exhaustion once Eddie had his son in his arms. Or when he had watched the news reports that had shown a distraught and crazed Buck clawing at the tonnes of cold, wet mud all in search of Eddie. 

“It’s never boring around here, that’s for sure,” Eddie continued, already on a roll and not intending to stop anytime soon. He regaled them with tales of all their memorable saves: the live grenade, the earthquake, the train derailment, the landslide and more “….And God knows what else before I showed up.” 

Eddie’s eyes retrained on Buck’s parents and couldn’t help the small smile that made its way onto his face as he found looks of shock. The ugly thought of _‘perhaps if you actually talked to your son you wouldn’t be so surprised how amazing he is_ ’ popped into his head, but he quickly squashed it. 

“You guys really raised one hell of a son,” he added sardonically, although he tried to make it sound as genuine as possible, despite knowing they hadn’t really raised him at all, and everything Buck had accomplished had been despite them, a way to defeat the effects their neglect had left on him. 

Having said his piece, Eddie didn’t stick around, making it clear he had only talked to them to say said piece because it _needed_ to be said. As he made his way downstairs and saw the SUV carrying Buck and Bobby pull up, Eddie couldn’t help the grin on his face as he saw the person he had just lavished praise upon (although, he didn’t need to know that) upright and walking through the open garage doors. 

The title of _family_ was good enough for now, but upon the realization of just how worried Eddie had been about him the past few days and the visceral need to defend him, Eddie realized another label might be coming that he’d need to think about.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not gonna lie this is trash but i really disliked the buckley parents despite buck 'forgiving them', and needed to have someone share my dislike. in walks eddie.
> 
> thanks to @lewistan on tumblr for the phrase 'He was fighting against a ghost and never knew' that got stuck in my brain while writing this
> 
> come scream with me about buck begins on tumblr @maurawrites! I would also ~love~ some buddie prompts, inbox is open!


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